Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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