The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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