before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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