Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
