I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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