Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
