I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
