I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
