He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
