Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
