That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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