i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
