Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize