Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
