I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
