god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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