Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
