you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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