I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
