I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
