You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
