Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
