is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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