theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
