Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
