If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize