Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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