Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
