new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
