Christians are straight up FREAKS
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
