I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
