I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize