I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
