OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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