Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dick very happy bro
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
