I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
