There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
