I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You can't motorboat a personality
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
