Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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