May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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