Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
