i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
