While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
