ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
