weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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