so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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