you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
