i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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