sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
