Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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