One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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