Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
