Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
