Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
