Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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