I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
