I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
