I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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