she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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