He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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