Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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