the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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