when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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