What did we do last night that was yellow?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
