I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
