Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
