Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
