Screwed.edu
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
