god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
