can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
