I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
