I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize