i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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