My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
