Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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