Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
