I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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