peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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