So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Randomize
