If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize