i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
two words...techno handjob
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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